Hidden Scars

 

I remind myself that this time I will handle things differently.  I remind my myself that I am a grown 51 year old woman that has raised 2 kids and managed to maintain a marriage for 25 years.  This time, with this job, I will not just walk away when I can’t handle the outside stress in my life usually, brought on from my health.  This time I will communicate with my supervisor and explain to he or she what is going on in my life and have them help me find a solution, after all that is what a grown up does.

 

Call me lucky, but four fulfilling careers later, I am still working a great job that holds my interest, and I am surrounded by wonderful co-workers.  I know that there will be another health emergency in the future, that is just the way life is for a person with CHD.  I tell myself, when the next health incident happens, I will not give 5 days notice to an employer, like I did with the last job.  I will not just close down the doors on a business I worked so hard to build, like I did two careers ago. And I definitely will not walk away from an amazing career as an FBI analyst (a dream I had since I was young) like I did after I landed my first job out of college.

 

My parents taught me from a young age to find a job with health benefits.  They thought I should be a teacher, after all, as a teacher you will have summers off and “the rest during the summer will be good for you.” I understood the message, they really meant “be good for your heart.” Maybe that is why I leaned towards a job with government, the need for health benefits has been ingrained since I was young.

 

When I was growing up the environment was different, you hid your scars, you hid your health issues.  I remember applying for my first job it was with the FBI.  I filled out the 30 page background check form and stopped when I got to the medical section.  How do I spin this?  Do I put down congenital heart disease?  Do I write down Tetralogy of Fallot?  What if I write, “Hole in the heart – corrected 1972.”  That is not a lie I thought to myself, so I went with that explanation, they could ask for more information if they needed it.  Of course my education helped me land that first job, but I am still convinced that things would be different if I had fully disclosed my medical history.

 

No one ever taught me how to communicate my health issues with my employer.  I have been taught how to write a resume and how to interview. I have an excellent work ethic.  However, I am 51 and still don’t know how, or when, to talk to an employer about my health.  I know my future holds a pacemaker battery replacements, pulmonary valve replacements, and much time in the cath lab.  When should you discuss your health with your employer? Should you be upfront from the beginning or should you wait until an emergency and try to explain why you won’t be in for a week or two?  I know the best option lies in the middle.  However, I am at a loss as to where that balance is.  I guess you need to factor in the employer, job, personalities, and work environment.  I wish there was some magical formula one could use to decide at what point disclosure is best.

 

I look back with my career history with regret on how I choose not to be upfront regarding my health history.  I tell myself, this time I will handle things differently, but I know I will probably continue on my current path of non-disclosure.